Sunless days.

These misty nights

When the snow thaws beneath the salt

And I draw faces on the glass

Occasionally looking over the lines

To people holding hands

In this cold winter and warming cheeks

I dream of you, in a land far away

Where warm winds pass by the window

On similar dark nights carrying messages

Concealed under layers of misgivings

Lest some eye steal a notice

I draw inspiration and put the music high

But it does not stay for long

I get reminded of faces I lost

Near ones whom I cannot touch

A severe blockage restrains all efforts

I cannot write, I cannot write.

And I know not why.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

Savage.

In the few moments of past remembrance

When you are unable to delve deep into yourself

When the self seems alien

And discomfort seeps deep inside;

The hands go cold, and never warms again

Such moments I undergo, in the midst of work

When I sit in front of the glass walls

The night stretching dark outside

And nothing can be seen, except

Your own dark face reflected on the glass.

It’s frightening, the reflection that then

Does not reflect the person, but some dark wound maybe

Of ages ago, inflicted to someone else

Some ancestor, I might not know

Some woman somewhere

A constant victim to some sick fantasies

And egos, that are collective

To this worlds and males

The sins that have been gnawing for centuries

Into the society, into every history books

And into the conscience, that remains guilty forever.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

Dida.

The evening settles down in a grey mist

Just like it had done the day before;

When you left after a days fever

Red vermillion in your hair`s parting

And red-stained feet,

You took it all proudly

Happiness, satisfaction, contentment.

Now your house stands empty,

The lonely music from every corner

Chants into my ears

That you are not there

That you are not there.

And I am here with promises

Given to grieve forever...

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

I just dont know why I am feeling so sad after such a fulfilling fun-filled evening. Maybe some things just refuse to stay long, and that applies to the bliss we sometimes have a taste of!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

A wild secret heart!

Things I had so long defied

Understanding

Something fragmented throughout the whole

Of love sick songs

And half mad wits

In some place where every body reside

In this stance of broken frame

Thick and still and of complexes deep

They grow beards and utter words

You would have never imagined.

When in this vast web

Somebody sits in wait

Of a voice long heard and forgotten

But never awaited

Moving in and out of distress

Until you meet with an accident

And discover the ultimate trope

The romance of eternal hope!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

Again.

It is this strange restlessness that possesses me

Like a ghost that refuses to get off

Or the bouts of loneliness that I suffer

On silent rainy evenings

Whenever I come by you

Or something that reminds me of you

Or by anything that kindles up that spirited presence;

That wraps me up throughout my busy day

Or when I get up confused from a deep sleep

And find emptiness beside me

I think of you, and you come and sit beside me

And we chat for hours together.

But you vanish if for a moment I get distracted

Never to visit again; till I see you

Some evening sipping tea by the roadside

Immersed in thoughts deep

That you say disturbs you within deep

I don’t call out, rather return home

And tidy the disarranged notes that have been lying around

Lest you visit me in a hurry and find me disheveled

In such moving minutes when I contemplate thoughtfully

On certain issues that somehow went wrong

I forget what I was writing or wanted to write about

Suddenly bouts of coughing and sneezing seizes me

And I find you sitting on the floor

By my chair arranging my notes

That had been lying around for days

Things I had intended to arrange before you paid a visit.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

You, or without!

Moments of laughter

Turning to a twinkling star

Somewhere far off in my dreams

Some passer by peeping in

Off some burned loaf

Thrown into the trash

No less required, nor can I care much

Things and music and stuff

Of some I dream, and others care not

Smoke and steam off a burning ship

Far off into the Atlantic

Blooming and bellowing smoke to natures oblivion

A strange spectacle off-limits

A beauty to my eye

Mush on its way encountering me

Wet streets drenched in rain

Many homeless to catastrophe stricken

I cannot care more nor less

A life difficult without you

No easier together either

With you or without

I cannot care more!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

As the rain fell into the night...

Now-a-days in the darkest of nights

As the rain falls softly outside

I sit by the window staring out

Expecting those magical moments

Once again, as they come and sit on my lap

And I start dreaming again.

Those days when I had stayed up in wait

And you slept not a wink

Lest I be frightened of the distance

When the rain fell and wet my hands

And you would catch a cold imitating me

When tucked in muffins we would lay

Submerged in happiness, of those bygone days.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

NO.

Even the heavens wept at the insult;

The loss of the purity, my innocence,

How could you do this?

How could you?

It was you

And it was me,

Those gross evenings,

When you taught me things!

Of touch, of longing,

Of lust, of desire,

Of the fall of human beings ,

I had never known so long,

But why did I have to pay the price,

By falling prey to your craving?

The sultry afternoons, the warm airs,

The smell of sweat, and of murky lust,

Polluting me and my world;

Why did it have to be me?

In the evenings when dust flew in the air,

And lights blurred the lines

Between darkness and desire.

Desire desire and desire.

I am sick, I am troubled,

Leave me alone.

I desire not to be the object of your desire!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

when the Lord will be my guide...

My life is a journey,

Of which I fix no aim,

I will trudge on

Till I reach the end.

To the mountains,

Where cool streams flow,

To heal the scathing pain,

And tall trees shade me,

From the overpowering blow.

So in search I trudge endlessly on,

On the eternal road.

In the fiery sun,

I must scan these heights;

                                                                                    Though in the horizon I see no lights!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

New.

The time has arrived for me to be happy,

To create myself all over again;

An altogether new identity,

Which I have rehearsed myself in day and night;

Amongst solitude and happiness,

Celebrated alone with wine and cakes;

To the gestures of loneliness and independence,

When I realized nothing comes without price.

Wearing the mask has been mine for ages,

As I move from place to place,

To new chances of recreating myself time and again!

Shedding off crippling in capabilities,

From which I give birth to a new me;

The one I start creating the day I slip into a new skin.

Acting out parts and reformulating desires,

And rearranging memories from the parts of me,

Scattered over the known places.

Now is the time again to move on from this old worn out self,

And raise a toast to the world that is beckoning my dreams,

Where I’ll have ample time for wanderings and depressions;

With no shoulder to hang on;

In an altogether different world;

I will have to make my own.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

Dawn!

It was that hour
When the birds left their nests

When the rays peeped through the curtains

When the wind turned its face

When the lovers tossed in their sleep

Their arms intertwined

Their lips muttering inaudible curses

To the sun intruding their privacy

It was the time I heard the cock crowing

The imam shouting his calls

The air breaking with noises

The light dispelling the darkness

It was the time,

I opened my eyes and saw dawn breaking!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

A Picture.

A pink blanket and a blue one

With wine glass motifs fitting in.

A blue night lamp tilting its head

And a blue-capped bottle standing straight

On the patchwork cushion,

Tuning with the music blaring away

Mutely in the speechless atmosphere.

An empty orange glass lies

Beside some dry paint brushes,

That dissipates the blandness from time to time.

A red velvet heart hangs on the green wall

Besides numerous showpieces and stuffs,

As if studying its reflection on the mirror.

Amidst all this on the bed with its floral bed-cover

Lies a girl staring blankly into space,

Clutching her favorite doll,

Her mind tuning with the old melodious music;

Unrolling memories of the bygone.

Her back arched because she has a pain,

And eyes swollen because she overslept;

In the green room with its open French windows

And it’s matching green curtains.

That is me,

The lonely girl,

With her lonesome dreams.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

Bride.

Parted lips and a red saree,

A benign smile and downcast eyes,

Ushering guests and touching feet,

A beating heart and longing within,

Twisting decorated fingers and biting the lips.

Looking up and seeing nothing,

In spite of guests filling the gallery,

Greetings and more greetings,

And best wishes filling in.

The clock chimes and a collective sigh,

They are late for the wedding ceremony,

She smiles to the mischievousness,

Of fate, cursing him within;

Loving him no less as the role is enacted;

Flirting with the bride in her wedding dress;

Smiling as she blushes and turns red,

Glancing sideways as they and he finally arrive,

To bind her in lifelong commitment.

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.

Ultimately.

The night when I realized I had lost everything,

I felt the warmth pouring in,

As the tears came streaming down.

But I had never realized that the loneliness

Could be so warm and creeping;

And not as cold as I had thought it to be!

It seemed that I had made a commitment tonight;

To stay committed all my life

To the emotions I had intentionally wrung dry,

To drive out everything in between,

As if of a lost traveler who has found his entourage again.

From something gone wrong somewhere between the lines,

In an inconsolable heart that refuses to listen to anything,

And is so naïve that it hurts me every time,

Whenever it catches me off guard;

Or maybe when I am too busy guarding myself!

Please do appreciate my sincere efforts.